ASS-per family

Monday morning I do my homework and watch documentaries on cbc.
anyway, about ten minutes ago while I was brewing a cup of tea, the phone rang.
It was an unidentified number on the call display, but I answered it incase it was my father.

It was not my father. It was some asshole trying to sell me warped media.

asshole: "Hi, I'm calling on behalf of the Vancouver Sun and Province Newspaper to offer you a one time deal in your area. How are you doing today?"
me: "Decent."
asshole: "We're currently selling year long subscriptions to either the Vancouver Sun or Province fo 29.99$"
me: "Oh yeah, well I don't support CanWest Global or the Asper Family." [Hangs up.]


Oh yeah. I'm good.

porn and dichotomy

funny story.

i cut my hair into an extremely effeminate mohawk.
then i called up a friend about a punk show at the infamous white belt house.
we showed up at around 9:30 assuming this is a good time for the punk rock to start.
turned out it was an early show, and all the bands had already played.

so...having the rest of our tuesday night for deviance, we decided that pot and gay porn would make up for the lost punk rock show. after spending an hour locating pot (no joke, there must be a shortage in the city) we hit up a porn shop on hastings and renfrew (approx.) inside we picked out three movies: factory fucking, cock tails and endlessly adorable. they were having some three for one special last night. while i was making an account and about to check them out, i made the lamest of lame comments:

friend: wow. we're gonna be watching porn till four am.
me: yeah and i have a paper to write tomorrow on female exploitation and second wave feminism.....and here i am renting gay porn and exploiting males. what a fucked up dichotomy. [i trailed off at the end to a muffle.]
male clerk: did you just say dichotomy?
me: ...uh...yeah....i did....shit...
male clerk: that is so fucking cool.


anyway, the porn was okay. but i did feel like i was watching young men being violated by older less attractive men. the porn with a story line was way more engaging too.

hairy pits and punk rock .

two extremely interesting conversations.



1.
happened a few days ago at breakfast. i reached up to grab a coffee mug from one of the top cabinets. my mother had the unfortunate displeasure of seeing my armpit hair.

mom: "have you no shame?!"
me: [looks down at armpit] "no, i guess not."
mom: "well i hope this is only temporary.
me: [stares back]
mom: "if this is for shock value, i've seen hairier pits on the beaches of yugoslavia!"

this conversation reveals three things to me:
1. someone has hairier armpits than mine
2. my mom thinks yugoslavia is still a nation
3. and when the hell was she in yugoslavia?!

she wouldn't tell me when she went to yugoslavia. she wouldn't even tell me if it was when tito was alive.



2.
happened today on the bus. I wore leg warmers to school with a skirt because of my hairy legs. On the bus coming down the mountain, I was approached by two over the toppunk rock girls all decked out in patches and spikes. The conversation:

girl 1: "Where did you get the leg warmers? I've been looking for a good pair forever!"
me: "D.I.Y."
girl 2: "Oh yeah, where's that?"

WTF? How can two punks not know what D.I.Y. is?! This was so shockingly over the top for me that I couldn't even respond to her question as to WHERE D.I.Y is located! No mention as to WHAT it could be! I got off my bus three stops early to avoid them.

When I arrived at home I immediately put on some Crass to ease the pain of commerical punks. We've reached an era when I can no longer distinguish between true punks and manufactured commerical mall punks.

mexican revolution.

At a bookstore with a friend yesterday, i picked up a book about the Nicaraguan Revolution.
The conversation that followed:


me: Oh wow, the Nicaraguan revolution, that could be interesting to read.
friend: Did you know that Mexico is going to have a revolution in the next four years?
me: Really? That soon?
friend: Yeah, it's pretty much going to happen soon.
me: Wow. Why can't I be Mexican?
friend: Because you're fortunate.


it was a fairly bad joke, but...still had some truth which was slightly funny.

those catholic school girls

another friend issue.
two in one day. wow.


a friend phones and say she must inform me on her birthday plans for this year. her birthday is not until march, (the day before mine) but none the less feels that i must be prepped.

friend: so for my brithday we're all going out to a fetish night!
me: oh yeah...sounds good.
friend: so you're gonna come?
me: yeah of course. it could be fun.
friend: okay, well there's more. everyone is dressing up.
me: fetish costume party?
friend: yeah, but i want everyone to dress up in little catholic school girl outfits.
me: [dumbfounded expression on my face]
friend: oh don't worry, if you don't have a short enought skirt or need a tie, i'll help provide.

sadly, she misread my dumbfounded expression. i really have no problem going out to a fetish night for a friends birthday, especially considering she is probably one of my most sexually liberated and permiscuous female friends which i greatly respect for. it could potentially be a new arena to learn something interesting, or it could turn out distrubing.

but to actually attend in a costume which is overrated, overdone and in bad taste is making me rethink saying i will come. i really do not like the idea of dressing up in sexual exploitative clothing to create a fantasy for some asshole male/female/shemale/whatever that i do not know and may end up arrousing at this fetish night. i don't want to be objectified, and especially not dressed up in an overly stereotyped sexual outfit. but then if i attend in my usual attire, my friend may be let down a bit, or possibly, i could end up arrousing some horndog who mistakes me for a librarian or something.

etiquette

i should really post something....


a just received an invitation in the mail to a friends engagement party...i should be happy...but on the bottom of the invitation it states quite plainly that if anyone wants to purchase them a present, they have a list made up at linen 'n' things. (a really lame suburban household store)

i decided to ask if presents were manditory

me: so...what about gifts?
her: we're pretty much telling everyone that they can bring a gift since it is social etiquette to, but we're not expecting it since none of our friends have any etiquette.



....


i didn't know at first if should be THANKFUL that i didn't have to drive for half an hour into langley, pick out some ass wipe toaster, CONSUME IT, drive back, wrap it, and give it to her...
or
if i should feel INSULTED that i, apparently, have no etiquette.

right now i'm feeling pretty happy that because i have no etiquette, she does not receive a useless, lame household appliance from me.

compliment

one of the best compliments I ever received:

"I always look out for what you're wearing.
you never wear outfits,
you wear ensembles."

hipsters

chuk, you'll probably get a kick out of this.